– An Easy Spread –

33˚F.

Sunless at 5 p.m.

It is the season of tackily-lit up houses and swine-flu.

When your Russian vodka and Long Johns aren’t helping induce hibernation, refuel your built-in furnace with beef stew: cheap, satisfying, microwave friendly.

Ingredients (Shop along here)

Chunks of Angus Beef Stew Meat – Buy 1 Get 1 Free at Harris Teeter ($4.00)

Petite White Potatoes – 1 bag ($4.00)

Brussels Sprouts – 1 bag ($2.00)

Whole White Mushrooms – 1 container ($2.00)

Fresh Celery – 1 bunch ($3.00)

Large Carrots – 1 bunch ($3.00)

Large White Onions – ($3.00)
Low-Sodium Beef Broth – 1 carton [32.00 fl oz] ($3.00)
[Optional: Bay Leaves – ($2.00)]

TOTAL: $24.00-$26.00
FEEDS: Me for 1 week

Follow the new 12-Step program that will insulate and satiate you.
In AA? Read no further.

Step 1

Wash.
Beware of blood: cold, slimy, merlot-colored. Hmm…wine in your stomach helps cooking process.

Step 2

Peel and dice onions.
Beware of skunk-like nasal attack, and Dior’s new potato-sack skirt line-like tear-duct attack. Ballooned bottoms? Really? Hmm…more wine here.

Step 3

Medium heat air-tight pot (No, not that one) with ¼ cup olive-oil.
Toss in onions. Stir.
Beware: don’t burn your face or eyebrows off. Didn’t have time for that facial this week?
Steam face here.

Step 4

Taste salt level in broth.
Never do this again.
Smells and tastes like the armpits of your post-workout hour.

Step 5

Mix onions until crippled in the whir and fizz of the oil.
Add stock.
Add beef.
Brown.
I like my meat: dark, thick, juicy.
You?

Step 6

Screw on lid.
Listen to the slow crackle of effervescent pressured bubbles as they pop, squeal, and perspire out the sides of the pot.
Listen to the increasingly loud purr of bubbles frothing at the rim, as if the pot is sticking its tongue out at you.

Step 7

Simmer at low heat for 2 ½ hours.

Step 8

Wash carrots, celery, potatoes. Pretend you’re not giving hand jobs under the faucet.

Peel. Pretend it’s legal to do this to living specimens. Smile.

Soak mushrooms, potatoes, Brussels sprouts.

Step 9

Slice potatoes in wedge-like shapes.
Dissect celery so pieces look like kidney beans.
Hack up carrots into thick slices.
Half the Brussels sprouts and mushrooms.

Step 10

Add vegetables to the bubbling pot.

Allow to fester for 45 minutes.

Step 11

Add ground black pepper, and seasoning to taste.
Stir.
Turn off heat, and allow rumbling to come to a rest.

Step 12

Smell the steaming, inviting aroma.
*Scratch and Sniff* your screen.

Scoop some into a bowl.
No one’s around:
Eat for 2. Drink for 4.

Lick. Lick. 40-Lick this, Rolling Stones!

Now your turn:
What keeps you warm?

Recipe courtesy of Mom’s 30yr. old cookbook–

Get Xahira off: do some shots, dance to the Kings, don’t get soft. Send love, beats, and polaroids.

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