– An Easy Spread –

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Low on cash?

Low on food?

Roadkill is the answer for you.

Run over a possum?

Hit a deer?

Consider it dinner served.

In 1998 West Virginia made it legal to hit-and-hang on to your roadkill, as long as you report it within 12 hours of the incident. And then you can invite everyone over for a barbecue.

So if you’re trying to be thrifty this holiday season, try yourself some highway leftovers.  If you’re stuck on a recipe, try Buck Peterson’s “The Original Road Kill Cookbook,” or head on over to the West Virginia Roadkill Cook-off.

If you’d like to improvise your own recipe, I’d suggest a lot of spices to drown out that fresh off the (car)grill smell, a butcher/taxidermy specialist who knows how to chop up your everyday squirrel, armadillo, or fox, and last but not least, a blindfold to imagine you’re not really eating roadkill, are you?

Who clears the roadkill off the streets? The Virginia Department of Transportation hires contractors to pick up roadside critters, and some even have complex mapping systems to evaluate where one is located.  But, when I dialed the trusty ‘411’ folks to help me get in touch with road kill operations, this effort led to no avail.

According to a ‘sustainable living’ web site, ‘Chelsea Green,’ the following are signs to beware that your meat might be passed the roasting stage:

• If it is covered in flies or maggots or other insects it’s probably no good.
• If it smells like rotting flesh it’s probably spoiled, although it is common for dead animals’ bowels to release excrement or gas upon impact or when you move the carcass.
• If its eyes are clouded over white it’s probably not too fresh (though likely still edible).
• If there are fleas on the animal there’s a good chance it’s still edible.
• If it’s completely mangled, it’s probably not worth the effort.

Granted this may sound like an episode from the Andrew Zimmerman show, but it may prove more fruitful that futile.  If you hunt, and eat deer meat, this may serve the same purpose. You hit the animal – you eat it. If you’re not a meat-lover, then this strategy, or potential misfortune, is not going to work for you unless you go around driving in an apple orchard hitting trees.

If you’d like some recipes try the following web site for: raccoon kabobs, moose-and-squirrel meat balls, Pennsylvania possum pot pie, or skunk skillet stew.

Get Xahira off: do some shots, dance to the Kings, don’t get soft. Send love, beats, and polaroids.